I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
