Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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