Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
