I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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