its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
