if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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