So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize