and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize