Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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