he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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