id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
