splinters make it hard to masturbate
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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