doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
