he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
