I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
