I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
