that's an acceptable place to lick
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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