How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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