the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
