it wasn't lemon gatorade
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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