i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
