my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
