I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
