coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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