She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
