Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
