i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
