when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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