Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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