Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
