I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
