matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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