I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize