I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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