Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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