piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
