So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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