what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
