I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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