Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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