Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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