Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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