Don't you send me to vm
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
