I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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