A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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