I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize