can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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