I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize