I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
