I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
