: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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