just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
