i just had sex bonerless
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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