ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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