Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize