I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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