Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize