That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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