I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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