How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
