I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
only if we run a train.
done.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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