can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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