I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
