and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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