If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
