Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
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