Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
