just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
