he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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