Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
